What is self-soothing and when can your baby do it?
If you feel like you’ve perfected the art of lulling your baby to sleep—bravo! Figuring out how to comfort and soothe your little one and send them off to dreamland is no small feat, and likely an artform you slowly perfected over time.
But at some point in this parenting and sleep journey, you might be noticing your sleep lulling tactics are hard to sustain. Maybe your baby is no longer responding to rocking the way they used to, or nursing to sleep is feeling unsustainable. Or perhaps your soothing methods are no longer working for you and your baby for some other reason, which leads you to wonder “when can my baby self-soothe to sleep?”
Though you may get different answers depending on who you ask, self-soothing is generally referred to as the process of babies calming down on their own. Self-soothing in this way, would describe an infant being able to go from an emotionally heightened state (most likely crying) to completely calm, and because research shows that infants need co-regulation in order to do this, an infant self-soothing is virtually impossible.
However, that does not mean that infants cannot sleep independently or display signs of staying calm during night wakings. In fact, some babies are naturally more prone to sleeping independently and may display signs of this during sleep periods early on.
How do I know if my baby can sleep independently?
Oftentimes you’ll notice your baby is beginning to develop regulating behaviors when they start to fall asleep on their own without tears, or you’ll see signs that they are trying to prepare for rest such as moving their head back and forth, playing with feet/sucking on hands, sucking in general (with or without a pacifier), re-positioning/rolling around, or soft whining as they fall asleep.
I actually noticed my son doing all of these things as we neared 7/8 months and started to reject rocking during the bedtime routine. He almost always preferred to wiggle around until he positioned himself so that he was completely sideways in the crib. Once I noticed these behaviors I started to adjust my routine to give him a little more space to move around on his own, without me getting in the way.
Sometimes making these simple adjustments can help your baby realize the conditions that they need for sleep. While for other babies they still need the rocking, nursing, and comfort in order to feel prepared for sleep (which is ok!).
When can I expect my child to be able to self-soothe?
A child learning to self-soothe is a process that develops over time and for some children can take years. But don’t be discouraged! What you need to understand is that self-soothing is again, the process of a child being able to calm down on their own from an emotionally heightened starte. By introducing healthy sleep habits, consistent routines, an optimal sleep schedule, and setting up a healthy sleep environment, you can prevent your baby from getting to that point, and instead promote longer stretches of sleep by providing them with healthy sleep foundations.
Once your child’s circadian rhythms, become more established (around 4/4.5 months), this will also help them sleep longer stretches at night, and will naturally eliminate a lot of the night wakings that might be occurring now.
If your baby is still getting worked up around sleep periods you can try to encourage different ways of helping them calm down such as crib-side soothing, rubbing their head or back, helping them find their hand or pacifier to suck, and of course picking them up to regulate if needed.
Co-regulation actually WILL teach your baby how to emotionally regulate on their own!
You can also switch up your soothing techniques and introduce something like the S’s with your baby, especially if they are on the younger side. One study showed that parents who used the 5S soothing techniques within the first twelve weeks had babies who were sleeping significantly longer, and cried for shorter durations than parents in a control group.
For older babies you might try cutting down your bedtime routine a bit, and attempting to place your baby down in their crib sooner, or try placing them down more awake just to see what happens. Just remember you can’t force this and it is just practice! If your baby takes to it, great! If not, that may indicate that your child is more attached and needs to be rocked, nursed, or snuggled to sleep in this season.
When it comes to your child self-soothing, there is no specific age as to when this will happen, but remember that self-soothing and sleeping independently aren’t the same thing necessarily, and you can continue to practice independent sleep with your child if that is your goal.
Will teaching my baby independent sleep harm them?
In short, no- trying to help your baby fall asleep (or back to sleep) a bit more independently is not going to “harm” them or sever your attachment relationship. However, it is important that parents respond to their child when they are crying because that co-regulation is so important! Instead of allowing your baby to cry, place an emphasis on the core foundations of sleep (nutrition, sleep environment, activity, sleep schedules, and routines), and find the soothing method that your child responds to best during wake-ups.
If what you’re doing now becomes unsustainable you may consider additional guidance to help you find a different approach that helps you all get better rest! Here at My Sweet Sleeper, we would love to help you figure out how to best support your baby in getting to sleep with our 1-1 coaching, or virtual classes.
Sources:
https://www.happiestbaby.com/blogs/baby/the-5-s-s-for-soothing-babies
Crockenberg, S. C., & Leerkes, E. M. (2006). Infant and maternal behavior moderate reactivity to novelty to predict anxious behavior at 2.5 years. Development and Psychopathology, 18(1), 17.
Öztürk Dönmez R, Bayik Temel A. Effect of soothing techniques on infants' self-regulation behaviors (sleeping, crying, feeding): A randomized controlled study. Jpn J Nurs Sci. 2019 Oct;16(4):407-419. doi: 10.1111/jjns.12250. Epub 2019 Feb 6. PMID: 30729735.
Related articles: