What do I do if my baby isn’t getting the amount of sleep they need?
First of all, let’s start with the basics:
How much sleep is recommended for each age group?
According to the National Sleep Foundation and the American Academy of Pediatrics, in a 24-hour period (meaning, including naps),
Newborns (0-3 months) should get 14-17 hours sleep
Infants (4-12 months) should get 12-16 hours sleep
Toddlers (1-2 years) should get 11-14 (or up to 15) hours sleep
Preschoolers (3-5 years) should get 10-13 hours sleep
Notice that for each age, there’s a range given, rather than just one specific number to strive for. This is because every baby is different and some have higher sleep needs than others. At My Sweet Sleeper, we are BIG on the idea that every child is different! We frequently talk about the three different sleeper profiles: the over-sensitive sleeper, the attached sleeper, and the adaptable sleeper. Our whole approach to one-on-one sleep consulting is focused on personalized suggestions, guidance, and feedback based on your individual sleeper, rather than just giving generic advice that you could easily find in our blogs or social media posts.
Although you should know that your baby’s sleep doesn’t need to match exactly with your neighbor’s baby’s sleep, keeping those recommended totals in mind is a great place to start.
When I had my first baby years ago, before I became a certified sleep consultant, I honestly didn’t know what I was doing (but who does, right?!). My daughter was often fussy, but she rarely showed the typical sleepy cues like rubbing her eyes or yawning that I had been told to look out for. However, in her first month of life, she only slept an average of 12 hours a day! At the time, I just thought, “Well, someone has to be at the low end of the range!” When my daughter would fight sleep or wake up after only a 30-minute nap, I would just think, “I guess she’s not tired. She must not need as much sleep as other babies.” However, putting those 12 hours in perspective, that’s almost 4 hours less than my second baby (who was born after I got my certification) got in her first month! Looking back on that now, I wonder what kind of beautiful temperament my first daughter would have had if I had known about the importance of sleep and following awake windows!
What do you do if your baby isn’t sleeping as much as they should be?
Watch for sleepy cues - but don’t rely on them.
We're often told to look for “sleepy cues” to know if a baby needs to go to sleep. These are things like glazed-over eyes, zoning out, yawning, rubbing eyes, and being fussy. While most babies do these things when they are tired, you can’t rely on them for a few reasons:
#1) Not all babies show sleepy cues. In my case with my first daughter, she didn’t show any cues except fussiness, and I often wrongly assumed she was fussy because she was hungry, not tired. And the truth is, when a baby fusses, there could be any number of things wrong - sleep or otherwise!
#2) Some babies yawn or rub their eyes even when they’re not ready for a nap! If your baby wakes up from a nap and rubs her eyes just ten minutes later, that likely does not mean that she’s ready for another nap!
#3) Sometimes it’s already too late when the sleepy cues come out! Some babies don’t start showing their cues until they are already overtired! This means that when you then put them down for their nap, they may have trouble going down without crying, or they may have trouble connecting sleep cycles and the nap will be very short.
Follow awake windows!
In my experience, not following awake windows is one of the main problems that causes baby sleep issues, so following them is often the first suggestion that I give to new clients! I literally have an awake window chart up on my fridge AND saved on my phone for easy reference and to send to others. Again, every baby is different and has higher or lower sleep needs, but these recommendations are also ranges and your baby should most likely be falling somewhere in the range. If you are keeping your baby up past their range, or even at the high end of it, it is likely causing short naps, early morning wake-ups, multiple night wakings, and/or struggles going down independently. Basically, MANY sleep issues can be traced back to having inappropriate awake windows.
Do your best to extend your baby’s short naps.
When I had my first, something I didn’t realize was that when she woke up from a short nap (less than 1 hour), I could try to help her extend it! Instead, I would simply just call her 30-minute attempt a full nap, and that was that. However, there was so much I could have done! Check out “Why does my baby take short naps?” for tips on lengthening naps. It’s also worth noting that quality sleep is just as important as quantity. For example, one 2-hour nap is better quality than four 30-minute naps, as anything less than 1 hour is usually not a full sleep cycle.
Follow the 80/20 rule when it comes to going out.
The idea of the 80/20 rule is that as long as you stay on schedule and follow good sleep routines and habits at least 80% of the time, it should be fine to live life and go off-schedule about 20% of the time without baby regressing much. For a baby who typically isn’t sleeping as much as they should be, it’s often because the parents are taking the baby out of their normal routine and sleep environment a little too much - or maybe there isn’t a “normal” at all! Instead, try to plan outings like grocery shopping around nap schedules so you’re not pushing your baby’s sleep back or having lots of on-the-go naps (but here’s how to save on-the-go naps, if you are forced into that situation). It’s also best to limit late-night events. You might have “fear of missing out” when you have to say no to events, but the reality is that your baby will only be little for a few years, and after that you’re welcome to have more nights where you stay out a little later. Until then, though, encourage early dinners (we love 5pm!), and your friends and family should be accommodating if you just explain the importance of getting home before bedtime.
Related:
How do I know if my baby is getting enough sleep? : covers signs to look out for, rather than just the number of hours of sleep they get, as well as what the consequences of sleep deprivation in children can look like