Everything you need to know about baby sleep associations (& weaning from them)
Have you ever noticed that your baby starts crying the moment you put their sleep sack on, or maybe as soon as you enter the bedroom?
This might lead you to believe that your baby hates their sleep sack or even their room, but typically this is not the case! Once your baby reaches the 3.5/4 month mark, they will start to connect certain steps and objects with sleep, and this is actually a good thing.
These are called sleep associations. Some sleep associations help your baby sleep better (such as a pacifier or white noise) while others may actually hinder your child’s ability to sleep well (like needing to be rocked for every single wake-up).
When a child has a sleep association that can prevent them from self-soothing, this is often referred to as a “negative” association. This doesn’t mean these things are bad and can never be practiced; It simply means your baby may rely on them instead of practicing their self-soothing skills. We like to call these dependent associations vs. independent associations.
Some examples of dependent sleep associations include rocking to sleep, feeding to sleep, or needing to co-sleep. To be clear, there are some times you may need to rock your baby to sleep or even feed your baby to sleep, but when it becomes the ONLY way that your baby is able to fall asleep or fall back to sleep, that is when it becomes problematic.
Independent sleep associations include a pacifier, sleep sack/swaddle, white noise, sucking their hands, moving their head back and forth, playing with their feet, making playful noises, or a lovie (once your child is older than one).
How do I encourage positive, independent sleep associations?
Encourage a pacifier. Not all babies will take a pacifier, but we do recommend continuing to try different types, sizes, and textures before giving up! And if your baby simply won’t take one, that is okay; don’t force it! However, we believe that pacifiers are a great way to calm fussy babies and help them self-soothe, and they have also been shown to help prevent SIDS. Now, if you find yourself in a situation where you are constantly replacing your baby’s pacifier, you want to put some limits on how many times you do this so that it doesn’t suddenly become a dependent association.
Swaddle or use a sleep sack. Swaddling helps to mimic that snug feeling that your baby felt in the womb, as well as keep baby’s reflexes under control. Sleep sacks serve the same purpose, as well as adding another warm layer for your baby since blankets are not safe yet. If it seems like your baby hates to be swaddled or put in a sleep sack, make sure you aren’t attempting to do this when they are overtired, and try different types, materials, and sizes with your baby.
Use white noise. When you use white noise for sleep, it actually replicates similar sounds your baby heard in the womb and can induce a relaxed state. White noise is also something that you can use long-term (even into adulthood) without negative effects, so we encourage the use of white noise indefinitely.
Keep the sleep environment dark. This may seem like an odd one because it is not a tangible object, but you can still use this to your advantage to promote your baby’s quality of sleep. By creating a dark environment in your baby’s room (with blackout curtains/shades) even during naps, you are promoting the relationship between dark and rest and letting both circadian rhythm and melatonin do their job and prevent cortisol or adrenaline from rising during sleep periods.
Help your baby find their hands/feet. One way that babies learn to self-soothe is by finding their hands to suck on, playing with their hair, or playing with their feet. You can encourage this by bringing their hands up to their face or mouth and helping your baby find their feet.
Follow a consistent routine. As early as 5-6 months, babies can start making strong associations during their routine, and by practicing the same steps for each nap and at bedtime, you will help your child make positive associations with sleep and consistency. As your child gets older and older, the need for a bedtime routine becomes more and more important. While of course the actual routine will change over time, this is an association that you never want to get rid of - even as an adult.
But how do you know when it is time to wean from a particular sleep association?
Weaning is a challenge that many parents face once they realize that their baby has a sleep association that might not be sustainable - even if it is an independent one!
Pacifier. The pacifier can be a great thing...until it’s not. If you find yourself doing the paci-dance, replacing your baby’s pacifier every 5 minutes all throughout the night, this is the point that it becomes a distraction. While I don’t recommend completely weaning from the pacifier until 1 year or so (assuming it’s helpful and working), you also don’t want the pacifier to become the reason your baby is waking up, so if it startles them when it falls out, try removing it once your baby falls asleep. After 1 year, I recommend starting to decrease the use of the paci, only using it for sleep periods and then either gradually or quickly stop offering it altogether.
Swaddle/sleep sack. Due to the risk of SIDS, it’s important to stop using a swaddle when your baby learns to roll over. However, as for a sleep sack, this is one that is a fairly individualized decision. Generally I recommend that you stop using the sleep sack between 18 months-2 years, at which point they can start using a small blanket instead.
White noise. This is an association that you never have to wean from! It is completely safe to continue to use white noise as long as it is set to an appropriate noise level. And you may be surprised to learn that a large portion of adults use white noise while sleeping, which can also be from a fan, sounds on their phone, etc. But if you choose to, then you can gradually lower the volume of the white noise machine or replace it with a fan, before removing it altogether around preschool age.
Breastfeeding to sleep. While breastfeeding to sleep is encouraged in the newborn stage, it can become a challenge once your baby is 4 months or older and they are waking frequently looking for a feed. If this is your situation, I recommend starting to move feeding to the first or second step in your routine instead of the last, which may mean you need to feed your baby in a more stimulating environment so they don’t fall asleep yet. (See: How and when to drop a night feed)
Rocking to sleep. Rocking can be a great way to help your baby become drowsy, calm down during fussy periods, and to help them fall asleep. But it can also become a challenge when baby relies on you to rock them for long periods of time and for every wake up. So if possible, around 3-3.5 months, do your best to practice setting your baby down drowsy instead of completely asleep, and keep doing so until it clicks. You can also set a time to cut down the amount of time each night that you are rocking until you reach about 5-10 minutes max.
Lovie/blanket. Giving children a security item (but nothing in the crib before age 1) is a great way to promote independent sleep once they are old enough! However, you actually don’t need to worry about weaning them from a lovie, as typically children will naturally grow out of using it once they are old enough.
Remember that it is completely normal for most children to have sleep associations! We just want to do our best to make sure that we are doing everything possible to set our children up for success, and sometimes that means removing a sleep association or even introducing one!
Related articles:
Infant sleep aides: Helpful or harmful?
Five steps to teach your baby how to self-soothe
How to help establish healthy habits for your newborn
How to get your baby to go to sleep and stay asleep