How to set boundaries with your toddler around sleep.
Toddlerhood is an exciting time of enormous growth and change. Your little one is rapidly learning new skills, such as walking, talking, and becoming increasingly independent. However, for parents, this growing independence can be a double-edged sword. In many ways, things get easier, but with independence comes pushing boundaries, a desire for control, and a fear of missing out.
Bedtime battles can escalate as your little one begins to assert their independence. Your toddler is searching for boundaries, so it is essential that you provide those boundaries and follow through.
We get it… sometimes you are too exhausted at the end of the day for a bedtime battle and give in to your toddler's demands. But consistency is key, and committing to a solid bedtime routine with clear expectations will pay off in the long term.
We've put together a guide on setting boundaries with your toddler at bedtime, so everyone gets the sleep and rest they need.
Give choices
Your little one's rebellion may increase as a result of being told what to do all the time. Through your toddler's eyes, most of their daily schedule is outside of their control. At a time when they are yearning for autonomy this can be highly frustrating.
While, as parents, we need to have non-negotiable rules to protect our children from harm and ensure healthy social and emotional development, it is vital to allow toddlers to flex their independence and autonomy.
Your little one is likely to be more willing to oblige on what's non-negotiable if you allow them to make choices on the things that don't matter as much. For example, allowing your child to choose which pajamas to wear, books to read, or toys to sleep with can help them feel a sense of control and assist them in respecting the bedtime boundaries you have put in place.
Heavily communicate
Good communication between you and your little one is vital. Building strong communication habits with your child when they are young promotes a positive open relationship, and it will make it easier for you to discuss more difficult topics in the future. When it comes to bedtime, your child needs to understand what is going on and why.
Discussing the bedtime schedule and expectations with your little one before the night routine begins allows you to communicate what the boundaries are.
Remember, toddlers can have trouble with transitions. Having to stop an enjoyable activity and move on to something they don't want to do (like go to sleep) can be challenging, so make sure you give your little one warnings as bedtime approaches.
Of course, the level of communication with your child will depend on their age and developmental level. For example, if your little one is under two years old, your communication will predominantly be through your actions and your responses to their behavior. However, by the time your toddler reaches the age of 3 or 4, you should be able to have a brief discussion with them about the importance of sleep, what the boundaries are and what will happen if they test or ignore the bedtime expectations.
A bedtime chart
Visuals are a great strategy to support your little one with transitions and following routines. For example, a bedtime routine chart can add an element of fun and control for your toddler.
Create a chart with all the activities involved in the bedtime routine, like having a bath, brushing your teeth, and putting on pajamas. You could take photos of your child doing these activities or have your little one draw a picture representing each step of the routine and place them on the chart. As your child completes each step in the routine, they can check off the activity or place a sticker on the chart.
A bedtime chart can instill consistency in your routine and give your child a sense of control over the transition to bed.
Natural Consequences
When boundaries are broken, it is crucial that you have consequences in place. Your little one should know what the consequences are, and it is essential that you follow through. But keep in mind, these should be natural consequences related to the situation. Taking away your child’s toys or another item that doesn’t have anything to do with sleep is only going to confuse them. Instead, remind them that if they don’t stay in their room or lay down to rest, they might not be able to participate in a fun activity they want to do because they will be too tired. Remember, though, discipline isn't about punishment. Instead, consequences serve as an opportunity to teach your child and strengthen their development.
So, how do you tie your little one's bedtime behavior with a related consequence?
If your toddler is old enough to understand the concept of time, you can explain the consequence through the lens of "lost time." For example, we won't have enough time to go to the park tomorrow because mommy will need to catch up on things that I didn't get to do tonight, or we will have to move your bedtime 1 hour earlier tomorrow night to catch up on lost sleep.
Connecting the consequence with the behavior helps your little one understand why you have the boundaries in place.
Create a routine and stick to it
Much like anything around sleep, a routine is crucial. Studies have shown that within just a few nights of implementing a consistent bedtime routine, sleep disturbances in children quickly decrease. Consistency is key! By sticking to the same routine every night, your toddler will understand that it's time to wind down and learn to respect the bedtime boundaries you have put in place.
With that said, sometimes, this might be easier said than done. At the end of the day, when you are exhausted and longing for some quiet time, bedtime battles can be extremely frustrating. If you are having problems getting your kiddo to sleep or perhaps sleeping independently, contact us to discuss how we can support you and your little one to sleep more sweetly.
Related Articles:
How to start independent play for your baby.
4 ways independent play helps your active baby sleep better.
